Dear Kurds

A few days ago, on a politically-oriented message board, I was challenged to, "Tell the Kurds that Saddam Hussein didn't have weapons of mass destruction." So I wrote them this letter:

Dear Kurds,

Saddam Hussein had WMDs back in the 1980s, when President Ronald Reagan removed Iraq from the state-sponsors-of-terrorism list so America could sell him some helicopters that he then used to gas you. You see, we were much less concerned about the atrocities committed by Saddam Hussein against you back then because he was fighting the Iranians. We really haven't liked the Iranians much ever since they threw out the CIA- and Mossad-trained death squads and dictator we put in power. So we turned a blind eye to the way Saddam Hussein treated you. We even ignored his using helicopters paid for by American tax payers to hose down your villages with poison gas. We also gave him classified test results so that when he used gas, they would be able to do it more effectively.

Later on, after our little war with Saddam Hussein, it appears that he destroyed all of his stockpiles of WMDs, so he wasn't able to gas you anymore. We also flew our jets over your heads to keep Saddam from attacking you. While we did pull our planes out of the sky whenever the Turkish Air Force wanted to bomb your villages, we did prevent Saddam from attacking you.

Most recently, America has helped you out by extraditing Kurds to Turkey so they can be tortured and executed by the Turks. Surely you can see how we have bent over backward to help you. I hope this clarifies America's strong stance against Saddam Hussein's use of WMDs against you. For some strange reason, some people here in America don't understand what close friends we are and the efforts we have undertaken on your behalf in the past.

While you may never receive a formal apology from our government, please accept my personal apology for the wrongs you have suffered because of the actions of our leaders.

Yours truly,

Bo Lasquis